A couple years ago I came down with what felt like mono. It lasted about 4 months and it was never diagnosed by anyone. In the beginning I saw my GP repeatedly. I was in and out of different emergency rooms and specialist offices, and none of these medical professionals were able to concretely diagnose my illness. I also exhausted all natural healers and practitioners I could find.
There was no doubt that I was not well. They ran all sorts of tests and none of which offered up any reason or solution.
Day after day, and week after week I laid around wondering what the hell was wrong with me. For four freaking months! Now I will note that I have experienced depression and this was not that. It was beyond anything I had ever experienced, it was scary as hell but so awesome in the end.
Will I ever get those four months from my life back? No. But I am so glad I had that experience. It sounds crazy but through that experience I gained so much more than I lost.
What I realized was priceless.
Some background info: A few months prior to this I went on a documentary binge. It was so great. I learned and researched all sorts of health and wellness related topics. I couldn’t get enough knowledge. I loved and still love expanding my ideas and trying on new perspectives.
At the same time I had committed to doing the Tough Mudder which is an 18-20km obstacle course designed to test physical strength and mental grit. I had just achieved some serious success in my business which was also a major personal breakthrough. I was at an all time high in many areas and then the carpet was pulled right out from under me and it seemed my world had crumbled. I now know it was my inner wisdom screaming at me to re-evulate my entire life.
Looking back now I remember the inner conflict I experienced.
1-I felt so bad that I couldn’t continue to play all the roles I once did. So I had to redefine every single one of them. This included bowing out of Tough Mudder and putting it off a year. I also had to accept that my entire world could and did function without me (slight blow to my ego, but I am almost over it) 😉
2-I literally had to choose if I was going to shower or make my kids breakfast because I didn’t have enough energy for both – so I learned to prioritize like a champ.
3-I had to say no to almost every single request and invitation that came at me – this was incredibly hard at the time and one of my biggest habits I now embrace. Up until this point I was a social butterfly and yearned to be around people all the time. For this four-month period I came a loner – and learned to love it.
4-I had to learn to ask for help with everything – I hated this, and still do but I am working on it. But at the time there was no other choice, I had to allow others to contribute to me. One of my fondest memories was my girls playing café and making lunch.It was so adorable. We learned to make many daily chores into a game – because I didn’t have the energy to argue.
5-My physical body was incapacitated but my mind was still as active as ever, so I had to train it to calm the eff down. Seriously it felt like I had ADHD in the beginning. But then, sigh, I was introduced to a whole new way of thinking.
6- I was aware of Louise Hay’s book ‘You can Heal Your Life’ but I dove into the concept fully. I finally saw that there may not be a diagnoses and that regardless, I was more powerful than any medical professional anyway. This may be why I am so adamant that we all see our selves as powerful….hmmmm. Because in the end it all melted away and I was the only one treating myself. It took four months but I finally began treating myself with more love than ever before.
7- I slowed life down completely. There was no squeezing in a few more errands if I had a few moments – my entire life became down time. I learned to love the simple things in life.
8- For the first time I was fully present with my family and friends. When I was with someone I was fully with them, I had learned the art of being completely present. My major reduction in alcohol consumption at social gatherings also contributed to this as well.
9-I re-evaluated my spending. Being that I couldn’t work our finances shifted dramatically. I began to see the value on the BKHQ and exchange of energy vs money. I wasn’t interested in spending money mindlessly but rather supporting people and healers that share their wisdom and make a difference in the world.
10-For the first time, I saw how I rarely strive to be fully completely comfortable and at ease. I connected within and listened to what my whole self needed. It was so refreshing.
Up until this point I will admit I had expected people to read my mind and fill in the gaps, of my half-assed self-care that I skirted around doing myself.
This actually may have been my biggest take-away. We truly have the power to make or break our health and happiness in every given moment. We may just forget it from time to time.
I believe there were so many things in my life out of balance that I needed a major reality check to make me see it. Now when I am checking in to see if something is for my highest greatest good I can instantly feel a loss of physical power if it’s not. It’s like an inner super power keeping me on course. Truth is we all have this inner knowing. Our bodies speak to us all the time. It begins with a whisper but if ignored they will stomp their feet and demand to be heard.
Next time life throws you a curve ball perhaps reconsider perceiving it as a major pain in the ass. Wait it out and see what you can learn from it all. You just never know.