Do you have a hard time saying no? Sure we all do.
I am here to invite you to see the insanity in that. And I’d like to also softly tell your ego that it’s ok. The world could in fact survive without you!
Reasons to stop saying yes out of obligation:
#1 People will stop trusting you
#2 People will stop relying on you
#3 You will be chronically stressed
#4 The ones closest to you won’t say it, but you’re kind of bitchy to them when you take on things out of obligation
I am sorry but it’s the truth.
It’s December and that means almost all of us take on things out of obligation. This is my biggest pet peeve. Am I guilty from time to time? Sure am, but now I am aware I do it. I have mastered the art of saying no and customizing my world for what I am really up to.
Think about how many requests come at you in a given day? Or a given week or month? How do you assess whether you ought to or ought not to agree to them all?
Do you stay true to your own needs through it all?
One of my main goals is maintaining personal sanity – call me crazy but it’s my number one goal daily! It’s a core value of mine actually.
I invite you to look at your goals and your core values. Measure all the requests that will flood into your world from now on against them.
You may not realize but you take on more than necessary as a way of proving yourself. Or maybe you really just want to look good and can’t stand to let anyone down. You’re not alone! Re-read the consequences above. It’s totally fine to choose what you choose, just be aware of the bigger picture.
If you have a goal of being everything to everyone guess what you’ll fail. Mainly you’ll fail to fill you own love tank and you will live in a cycle of totally drained, then you’ll move into snapping, and then desperately trying to feel human and fulfilled again. What many of us do is throw the bare minimum in the tank and keep on trucking……. It doesn’t work! I love you all too much to sit by and watch you all stuck in this cycle. It’s high time we come together and shift the insanity people!
Let me explain #1 – People will stop trusting you.
I have people I know and love dearly but I cannot trust them to say no when they need to. This brings me to #2 I ask very little of them because #3 I care about their health and well being too much to put more on their plate. When I see their stress rising I anticipate the bitchiness and instead of judgment I offer compassion, we are all guilty of this from time to time. We are all so beautifully human it’s awesome. Many more posts to come on this topic as it’s a fave of mine. No one is a special kind of screwed up – NO ONE!
#4 is easily remedied – So you’ve been a bitch now what? Just clean up your mess and share what’s there for you. Acknowledge that you’ve said yes out of obligation once again, in hopes of looking good and your sense of balance and well being has been the cost.
What would it look like if our mothers taught us that we come first and that everything we can ever wanted is inside of our powerful selves? What if we never looked outside ourselves for anything? We didn’t shop for instant gratification items, we didn’t make our spouses try and read our minds and then get angry when they didn’t fill our needs? What if we said no to all the ten thousands requests that come in from others and said yes to our own inner needs first and foremost?
Imagine surrounding yourself with those people? They would radiate 😉
Imagine shifting your own world to being that shining example and raising your kids that way? Imagine helping your girlfriends try on those habits?
Imagine being that Mother? Imagine being that friend coworker, spouse, cousin, neighbour?
It’s possible. It’s possible if we see how silly it is to live out of obligation and not recognize that it’s actually creating opposite results of what we intend. We don’t want to be resentful or unloving to anyone.
It’s just awareness and having different conversations and taking different actions. Don’t be afraid to share your goals and core values when you decline a request. It will show you care and leave the other person with so much more understanding of who you are and what they can rely on your for.
Making requests and saying no are two things that will never go away as long as we are living among others. Often when I make a request I let the person know if they are the only one who I have asked and I invite them to say know if they need to.
It’s our nature as women to want to help everyone all the time. Isn’t that such a great feature we have? We are so loving and nurturing that way.
I can see a major shift occurring in the next generation. Our children are going to step into great power and confidence. They will own all of who they are. They won’t make themselves wrong for being human but instead they will objectively assess where they are at and course correct as needed.
They will do all of this because we will have created that possibility for them to do so!
Thank you so much for being part of my tribe of powerful people! Have a wonderful holiday season customized to help you Playfully Radiate!
I welcome all your thoughts and comments below!